Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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