I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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