that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
