I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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