Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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