I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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