I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
