someone get that fucking seahorse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
