i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
