Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
