I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize