she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
