maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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