I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
