we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
