There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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