I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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