Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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