cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
