if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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