Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize