i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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