tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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