im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize