Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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