Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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