you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
