big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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