you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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