I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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