I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
