After last night, I could never be a politician.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
