Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
