Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
