shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
