Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize