I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
