You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
