Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Houston, we have a squirter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
