Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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