I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
