Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
