Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
