I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
