Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize