you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
