Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize