yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
