hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm passing your future prison.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize