That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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