btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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