guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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