bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
