i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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