my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
