I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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