all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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