Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
