What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize