I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize