did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
