He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
