shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
