i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
