i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
