Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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