I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
