every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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