Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
