you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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