another moral hangover. fuck.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
