Will you blow on my dice?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
