before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are we still banned from the library?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
