I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
