I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize