what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
